I was this morning on my way to the Federal High Court on Oyinkan Abayomi at about 8.30am with my colleague and we came across three (white) women jogging.
“Wives and girlfriends of expatriates” he said.
I was not completely surprised or disappointed. I had become somewhat used to hearing such chauvinist statements from him and some other people I had cause to encounter in my daily life. However, as usual, I did not let it just slide.
“How do you know these women are not the expatriates themselves and not wives of expats”? I asked.
He responded, “At this time?”
I pointed to him the fact that he did not know their resumption time or work schedules; the fact that these women live in Ikoyi and their places of work could very well be very close to home and hence there wouldn’t have been a need for them to hurry to work (unlike some of us who have to face every day transit from Okokomaiko to Victoria Island); I also mentioned the fact that they could very well have been on their annual leave and not have had to go into work at all.
“Lai Lai, how can all three of them be on leave at the same time?!” He exclaimed.
I must state I realized then that the argument was not going anywhere.
It was utterly disappointing. This was not the first of such arguments we had had in my office (we had in the past argued about, among sooooo many other things, why it is considered proper for women to be chaste and faithful to their partners while the same requirement wasn’t as rigid or as strict for men; why women were expected to cook and clean when they were going to work just as much as and bringing in just as much as men, or even in some cases, more than the men; why women were expected to look after children as if women had by themselves just gone to the market and come home with the babies) and it was very disappointing that despite these arguments we had every so often and despite pointing out the distasteful views had of the place of women in the world, my colleagues’ views of the world and the women in it had not changed.
When we got back to the office, we had to again discuss a brief we had received. Our client (the only son of his father) had been given the bulk of the properties left by his father (about 4 or 5 properties) while the girls had been given one each. As everyone is free to do, the deceased had made these gifts to his son in his Will. I however thought to make my reservations about the deceased’s actions known. The same colleague I had been arguing with earlier in the day then explained that the deceased was probably very traditional in his ways and his custom and traditions were just being manifested in his Will (the client comes from a part of Nigeria where male children are considered somewhat superior to female children). He went on to state that not every Nigerian man would do same to his female children and then he (ironically) cited himself as an example.
This led me to point out the earlier occurrence of the day to him and his earlier statement which had shown just how myopic his view of women was. He tried to clarify by stating that his views are a function of the ‘society’ as the ‘society’ moulds all individuals within that ‘society’ and he is a product of ‘society’. I deemed it proper to then ask him who made up this seemingly abstract “society” which he refused to answer. I also asked that whenever a person commits any wrongdoing premised on prejudice, it’s not the society but rather the individual who is held accountable. I cited the happenings in the USA regarding race and explained the fact that despite the existence of racism, anyone found culpable was held individually accountable. This was to simply point out the fact that despite the existence of a societal wrong, it is the responsibility of any progressive individuals (at least those who consider the necessity for righting such wrong) therein to remedy such a wrong.
I believe that the fact that many Nigerian men and sadly some women (I restrict my opinion to them as they are the men I know) do not see themselves in this retrogressive/ backward-thinking light is the reason many women are still not being accorded their due respect. The fact that many men consider themselves educated, enlightened and progressive when they are in actual fact the opposite is why we still have women being ‘gifted’ 2nd place where they are in fact equal to anyone else-man or woman.
It is rather sad that in the day and time we now live in, these prejudices still exist. It is even more saddening that this undesirable ‘torch’ is being passed on to and by the new generation of ‘men’ who are supposedly progressive.
That said, I believe that the time for complaints is past. It is rather the time to take action and speak up. It must be that wherever and whenever such prejudices are manifested, anyone who is forward thinking (you do not have to wait to be the victim) and witnesses such wrong-doing and would like that all people be treated as equal, speak up against such wrong- this even more so, where it happens in the midst of children (as I have come to see that these crucial years are the periods when such misconceptions are allowed to fester and grow). Every person is created equal. Even though the Nigerian Constitution guarantees this, I do not see it in operation. In any event, I would prefer that it be ingrained in every individual and not have to be pronounced by law or directed by the courts to see it in operation.
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