Dear Mr. President

Sir, let me start by warning you that this is a rather long letter because I have had to somehow find a way to compress most(yes Sir, it could have been longer) of what is on my mind into this letter and I have resorted to this considering the fact that you have been gone for so long, you have gone so far away and your guardian angels (of Nigerian descent) would not allow anyone access to you; so, I hope you would find the strenght to read the entire letter (even if you must take breaks in between).

Allow me to apologise real quickly for not even asking how you are faring healthwise these days. My 'oversight' is hinged on two factors- the first is the fact that you are hardly ever in good shape (at least not since I and another 139,999,998 people have known you) and the second is the fact that its getting so common place and its really affecting not only your heart now but also the hearts, minds and pockets of so many Nigerians (you see that your ill health affects Nigerians even more than it seems to be affecting you), so you would understand my lack of enthusiasm in conducting any autopsy...er, investigation.

It has now been 71 days since we last saw or heard from you (and please dont even get me started on that recorded voice thing) and need I remind you that quite a bit of your time in office has been spent in and out of various hospitals the world over? Yes Sir, we have been counting...and thanks for giving us the heads up because even before you took the reins of power you were already having fainting spells with rumours of he's dead...he's alive...oh, wait, he's alive again...

Your family(...that means your wife and your other stooges) says your state of health is confidential, they fail to remember that once you took the Oath of Office, you ceased to be accountable to just yourself and God and probably your family.
Do you know that I knew something was wrong the minute we were told you would be away in hospital for a week? How u ask? Because it was the first time they actually came out about what was exactly wrong with you and that you would be away for a while...I knew it was baaad!
Now we( did I mention I am a lawyer?) have been saddled with the responsibility of trying to find a way out of what your absence has made of us.

What I was wondering though (when they came and said you had signed the appropriation bill...hmph!) was how u were able to sign that and somehow still not be able to do any kind of handover note or something! Then I just concluded you must have just collapsed somewhere or something and there was either no time or strenght to do so (that I believe is another story- I did mention I am a lawyer and not a doctor, right?).

That leads me to another question (I already told you it was gonna be a long one!)-albeit a rhetorical one-was man made for the law or the law for man? If the president either due to inability or negligence failed to transmit anything to the House intimating them of his absence and thus requiring his vice to act in his stead, should the rules of interpretation not come to play? The Constitution envisaged a situation where the President could act and in some way carry out the said act! I guess I am addressing this part of the latter to you wrongly then. This should be to our 'honourable' representatives.

Back to you Sir, I am now wondering why you did not just decline when you were forced(yes siree!) to take up the mandate- maybe you felt you had so much to offer the Country (we are still waiting for the manifestation); but when u realised you were(and still are) holding the nation to ransom, you could have done the honourable and right thing and had your Vice act in your stead (thats the point of having a second in command). By the way, did I mention you are OYO since Mr. Obasanjo has washed his hands off? He even says he was unaware of any health conditions you were suffering from!

Let me quickly also add that upon your speedy return (that was a prayer), please do me a personal favour and fire the Attorney General- Mr. Aondaka, even if not for anything, for saying that you can rule from anywhere( you owe me)!

Sir, please try to find the strenght to read and ponder on these issues and the will to do what is required.

Troubled Nigerian.