I did not realize until recently just
how much I wanted, nay -needed, a car. For as long as I can remember, whenever
there was no car or driver available at home, I took the bus. Yes, I admit that
public transportation comes with its inherent trials and tribulations (the
already stuffy Lagos air made worse on the bus due to the heat emanating from
the engine of the “fanagon” -in the words of some of my brothers; the preacher
who has received the calling to ensure that we enter the kingdom of God with
hearing difficulties; the driver who turns every 2-meter span into a bus stop; the
sweaty and oftentimes chatty person sitting next to me on the bus on a day when
I absolutely just want to keep to myself- which was pretty much every time…need
I continue?) but for lack of choice, I made do with what I could afford. Until recently.
Upon finishing school, a few of my
friends got their own cars (some of them with external help from parents and
others just by saving up as they could). This afforded me the opportunity to
hitch rides- sometimes as they were going my way and other times just out the
sheer generousity and magnanimity (yes o! oyinbo) of their hearts. After some
time, my parents decided to look upon me with favour and gave me a car that was
lying idle at home which I must admit has seen better days (we have since
married off its children and grandchildren) but could still get me from Point A
to point B as long as it was in a straight line (lol!).
With time, avenue opened up to get
a good car and I found a real nice looking tokunbo Avensis somewhere in Festac.
Then time to conclude the deal, I called the owner/ importer/ seller and
implored him to bring the car to Ikoyi (my office) and pay up for the car. He
thought about it for a few seconds and said “Ikoyi is too far from Festac o.
How will I get back to Festac naaw?” I was (just as I’m sure you are)
surprised! We weren’t talking about coming to Kutuwenji. Though I found the
question silly, I answered anyway, “Well, you could take a boat, a bus or a
taxi back”. Now, just like you, two of my friends to whom I mentioned this
thought it was too much to have added “boat” to the multiple choice options
saying it sounded rather sarcastic; but truth be told, I meant no sarcasm (ok,
I admit, maybe I meant it a little). I mean really, at Marina there are ferries to Mile 2 naaw
(abi?). Assuming (without conceding) that I was indeed being sarcastic, didn’t
such a ridiculous question deserve such an answer?
Anyway, after my response, he said
he would call back in 5 minutes. He did call but this time, the excuse was that
since the car was unregistered, there was a possibility he might be stopped and
questioned about the car. I responded that I could likewise be stopped and harassed
but that it was better him than me since he is the one who imported the car and
all the clearance papers and other documents were in his name. He then again
said he would call back. Perhaps he was consulting an oracle.
He called again in about 3minutes
and plainly stated that he just could not bring the car at which point I just
thought well, that’s that! And the evening and the morning were the first day.
Morning of the next day however, my
colleague (a guy) decides to call him and they speak for about 8- 12 minutes
and just about 2 minutes into the conversation, he agrees to bring the car and
the remainder of the time is spent on agreeing mode of payment. In fact, the
guy committed himself to a deadline of 2pm! The entire deal was concluded that
day.
You may wonder where I am going
with this. Well, I replayed the entire scenario over in my head and wondered
what it was that my colleague said that made the guy change his mind. Or maybe
it was something that I DID say? He did not ask my colleague any untoward or
silly questions or give any ridiculous excuses that would have entitled my
colleague to give him even worse answers than I gave. Rather, without any
hesitation or dilly-dallying, he obliged. Mind you, I sat there through the
entire conversation and there was no begging or pleading from my colleague
either. Just a simple request to please bring the car around- like I asked the
day before.
My thoughts broadened beyond that
event and I realized that not only was this not the first time such a thing
would occur but it was also not the first time I was a victim to it. I realized
there had been times where I could have (and in some cases did in fact) spoken
but where I knew only a “man-to-man” conversation would get me what I wanted. I
began to wonder - Did I come off too strong? I sounded (or he thought I sounded
like I was) too smart? Was I expected to put on the “damsel-in-distress” cloak
and get all beggy-whinny (you know that voice females have that is somewhere
between begging and whining but isn’t quite either)? He was not ‘dashing’ me
the car naaw- I was paying for it!
That brought another realization-
though we may fail to see or realize or even admit it, we (yes, you and me)
allow women continue to be looked down on. I hear the audible gasp but that’s
how I see it. I agree that it may not seem as big of a deal as I am making it
but I feel otherwise. In these small acts and sometimes unspoken words, we
encourage our females to be weak. It’s glaring- from homes to schools and in
the society generally. We tell girls to be weak (since that is what is expected
of them) and to always expect things to be done for them. Its little wonder the
idea that “boys are boss” is so ingrained in the mindset. I’m not by any means
saying that we should pretend to be as physically strong as men but that we should
teach children especially boys (yes, boys) from as young as possible realize
that they shouldn’t feel the female is any less than they are. We must also
encourage females (both young and old) to tap into their inner strength.
Now some people use Christianity as
the basis upon which they tell you as a female to be submissive. Yes, the bible
expects you to be submissive but only to your husband; not to every Okoro,
Morufu, Awalu and Akpos that you come across. You may think I am going (or have
gone) to the extreme in my analogy but these seemingly small deeds and
occurrences matter. We see women who would do very well by themselves remain in
abusive relationships. These big issues stem from small things like this. What
if there was no man to speak for me? Let us ensure that we don’t, in satisfying
someone else’s ego, demean ourselves or become less of ourselves.
I concede- maybe my car guy simply
had a sound sleep and re-considered. Maybe I’m attributing too much where there
is no issue. Maybe I simply shouldn’t have included ‘boat’ in my options.
Whatever the case, a thorough search would reveal some truth in here somewhere,
No?
Oh and by the way, me and the car
guy? We don turn padi o! ;-)
