Welcome Aboard

Na wa o! See how jets have become pure water sha! In fact, pure water is almost becoming more of the rarity compared to private jets! Yes…yes… I exaggerate but I’m sure you get my drift. I read recently how the congregation of Bishop (or is it Reverend, Pastor, Deacon? Not sure) Oritsejafor bought him a jet to celebrate his birthday which according to the church coincided with his some plenty years at the bar…er, sorry, pulpit. I apologize, force of habit.

What people want to buy as gifts for anybody is, in truth, not any business of mine. This however does not mean I am not entitled to have an opinion on it not does it preclude me from sharing that opinion. I must state that this piece is in no way restrictive and extends to all the private jet globe trotting pastors. Now to the issues/ questions I have about this.

First, was it raised in Church at ‘offering time’ or at some covert service held at some secret location-Since, the pastor wasn’t supposed to find out about it? Was the congregation asked to donate or pledge certain sums for ‘Daddy” or “Papa” (as they are fondly referred to now) private Jet? Or was it the handiwork of a few haves who believed it an insult for their Daddy to keep riding commercial planes and so decided to get him this token to show their love and appreciation?

Also, am I to believe that there is not one among the members of these churches who lacks or is in need? Don’t get me wrong- I am not insinuating that the pastor is to be the messiah and solve the problems of every single member of his congregation (but then again, he IS their ‘Daddy” right?) but seriously…a jet??? Couldn’t this money be put to other purposes? Purchasing a jet is no small feat- neither is maintaining it!

Furthermore, he says it was a gift he received. With due respect (realize that I said ‘due’ respect), I refuse to believe a plan like this was cooking and he was unaware of it. After all, it was said to be paid for or bought by the congregation. Some might even argue that perhaps it was bought by a few rich members of the church but was only given to him in the name of the entire congregation…and I quite agree. In that case therefore, it may have come as a surprise (which I doubt); he would therefore do well to (as the others should too) sell it off and put the money towards “spreading” the gospel. By spreading the gospel, I am not asking that some people be gathered in an arena and the word of God be brandished or spat at them nor am I proposing that bible verses be quoted to the needy, sick, hungry, jobless etc asking and urging them to believe and be strong and have faith and believe…most certainly not! I am certain they have recited these biblical passages to their various situations over and over again! I am asking that amenities, training, welfare, and in necessary cases, cash be given and made available to these lacking individuals and communities. Even more especially in the wake of the flood that has ravaged certain parts of this country and has rendered thousands homeless- I hardly feel it’s the right and “brotherly” thing at this time to be living so lavishly. Whatever happened to looking out for your neighbour?

Truth is, I see many pastors stand at their pulpits and preaching to people how to be patient and wait upon the Lord; however, they who do the preaching have decided not to wait that wait but rather live extravagantly off the tithes and offerings and sacrifices given by these same congregations who have to strive extra hard to give in the hope that their blessings would be multiplied.

The irony for me is that we find people who do not claim to be nor pretend to be Christians or belong to any organized religion giving their time, services and money to help others while most of our church leaders are too busy preaching prosperity (which, going by their messages would only come when you give all that you have to the church), turning themselves into rap and R & B stars with their hair dos and blings; canoodling with the corrupt leadership we have and driving bullet proof phantoms and limousines in convoys of armed guards (I’m not sure what has happened to the guardian angels we have been told of) and turning themselves to semi gods over the very people who have helped to make them (directly/ indirectly) who they are! How sad!

In a society where we have more churches than schools on every street, we see evidence of man’s inhumanity to man everyday. It also seems that vast knowledge of the bible and some history is now the criteria for putting up a structure and starting up a church!

That said, I am of the opinion that this exists because out government has failed its citizens so much so that the only source of hope of majority is their head tilted up towards the heavens and this vulnerability is what these preachers and pastors are utilizing to the very limits their power would allow to siphon money off their congregation. And where a man has lost hope and is told he could have a life as flamboyant and as colourful as the pastor’s (which is also a pointer f the thwarted concept we have of success) if only he would give, give and keep giving to the church, such a man would give pretty much everything. After all, the more he gives, the more he should expect!

Despite all of this however, what makes it even more saddening is how these “followers” see no wrong in all that is going on. In fact, any negative statement about their pastors would summon their wrath.

I’d like to conclude by ‘praying’ that our religious leaders begin evaluating their “calling” (many would make good sales men) and be sure to search their hearts to see if they weren’t ‘called’ by the life they saw other pastors and preachers living and want same for themselves.  I also consider it time for us to begin to look critically at religion and our beliefs and not see it as some far-away phenomenon but rather as a way of life requiring us to speak out on behalf of the oppressed, help the needy, be our brothers’ keepers; live upright lives full of integrity and just doing unto others what we would have them do unto us- THIS is what the message of the bible is. This goes for not just the congregation but also the pastors!

In the story of the Good Samaritan, I recall the bible saying that you should do good and give unto everyone who you come in contact with as that person is your neighbour…not just to your pastor! If we begin to see this change in attitude in our church leaders and they begin to live their talk, considering the number of churches we have in this country, I dare to dream of the fantastic county we would have to call our own…our home!

Touch Not My Anointed!!!

On Sunday afternoon I heard my Blackberry Chat tone. I had received a link to a page from a friend of mine. I opened the link and saw a very disturbing image. The picture of a sick, twisted, psychotic animal (who in all probability wrongly considers himself a man) who had his privates in a little girl’s mouth! The girl couldn’t have been more than 3 years old! I was furious to say the least. Such a person ought to be killed having being castrated first…with a partially blunt knife!

From my conversations with my friends, almost every little girl has had a bad experience with an adult male but most can only remember these incidents from around age 6. This picture made me wonder what else we encountered and maybe suffered as children but which we cannot remember anymore.

I had decided since my University days to be like a mother hen over my brood. Seeing this picture served as a reminder. I would be a hen, an eagle, a snake, a lion…anything to protect my children.

That said, I think the following are crucial;

-          Make time for your children no matter your schedule

-          Be friends with your children. Be their parent but also be their friend so they can talk to you

-          Do not trust your kids especially the younger ones with anybody. This may sound harsh but it is usually people who you live and trust your kids with who are usually the ones with access to them

-          Always ask your kids questions

-          Be careful to observe your child’s actions/ mannerisms around people whom you usually live them with. Your child’s attitude and body language and actions with this person would give clues as to activities they engage in. This would prove especially useful when you have kids that are too young to verbalize their thoughts or concerns.

-          Observe your child’s body and any changes thereon often.

-          When you leave your child with anyone, spy (yes, spy) on them sometimes until you trust them enough to leave your child with them. It may seem harsh but would you rather that or… who knows what else?

I have heard one too many stories of crazy things that have been done to children. And I think we should take precautionary steps and not be too trusting.

EXCUSE ME MADAM...SHUT UP!

I did not realize until recently just how much I wanted, nay -needed, a car. For as long as I can remember, whenever there was no car or driver available at home, I took the bus. Yes, I admit that public transportation comes with its inherent trials and tribulations (the already stuffy Lagos air made worse on the bus due to the heat emanating from the engine of the “fanagon” -in the words of some of my brothers; the preacher who has received the calling to ensure that we enter the kingdom of God with hearing difficulties; the driver who turns every 2-meter span into a bus stop; the sweaty and oftentimes chatty person sitting next to me on the bus on a day when I absolutely just want to keep to myself- which was pretty much every time…need I continue?) but for lack of choice, I made do with what I could afford. Until recently.

Upon finishing school, a few of my friends got their own cars (some of them with external help from parents and others just by saving up as they could). This afforded me the opportunity to hitch rides- sometimes as they were going my way and other times just out the sheer generousity and magnanimity (yes o! oyinbo) of their hearts. After some time, my parents decided to look upon me with favour and gave me a car that was lying idle at home which I must admit has seen better days (we have since married off its children and grandchildren) but could still get me from Point A to point B as long as it was in a straight line (lol!).

With time, avenue opened up to get a good car and I found a real nice looking tokunbo Avensis somewhere in Festac. Then time to conclude the deal, I called the owner/ importer/ seller and implored him to bring the car to Ikoyi (my office) and pay up for the car. He thought about it for a few seconds and said “Ikoyi is too far from Festac o. How will I get back to Festac naaw?” I was (just as I’m sure you are) surprised! We weren’t talking about coming to Kutuwenji. Though I found the question silly, I answered anyway, “Well, you could take a boat, a bus or a taxi back”. Now, just like you, two of my friends to whom I mentioned this thought it was too much to have added “boat” to the multiple choice options saying it sounded rather sarcastic; but truth be told, I meant no sarcasm (ok, I admit, maybe I meant it a little). I mean really, at Marina there are ferries to Mile 2 naaw (abi?). Assuming (without conceding) that I was indeed being sarcastic, didn’t such a ridiculous question deserve such an answer?

Anyway, after my response, he said he would call back in 5 minutes. He did call but this time, the excuse was that since the car was unregistered, there was a possibility he might be stopped and questioned about the car. I responded that I could likewise be stopped and harassed but that it was better him than me since he is the one who imported the car and all the clearance papers and other documents were in his name. He then again said he would call back. Perhaps he was consulting an oracle.

He called again in about 3minutes and plainly stated that he just could not bring the car at which point I just thought well, that’s that! And the evening and the morning were the first day.

Morning of the next day however, my colleague (a guy) decides to call him and they speak for about 8- 12 minutes and just about 2 minutes into the conversation, he agrees to bring the car and the remainder of the time is spent on agreeing mode of payment. In fact, the guy committed himself to a deadline of 2pm! The entire deal was concluded that day.

You may wonder where I am going with this. Well, I replayed the entire scenario over in my head and wondered what it was that my colleague said that made the guy change his mind. Or maybe it was something that I DID say? He did not ask my colleague any untoward or silly questions or give any ridiculous excuses that would have entitled my colleague to give him even worse answers than I gave. Rather, without any hesitation or dilly-dallying, he obliged. Mind you, I sat there through the entire conversation and there was no begging or pleading from my colleague either. Just a simple request to please bring the car around- like I asked the day before.

My thoughts broadened beyond that event and I realized that not only was this not the first time such a thing would occur but it was also not the first time I was a victim to it. I realized there had been times where I could have (and in some cases did in fact) spoken but where I knew only a “man-to-man” conversation would get me what I wanted. I began to wonder - Did I come off too strong? I sounded (or he thought I sounded like I was) too smart? Was I expected to put on the “damsel-in-distress” cloak and get all beggy-whinny (you know that voice females have that is somewhere between begging and whining but isn’t quite either)? He was not ‘dashing’ me the car naaw- I was paying for it!

That brought another realization- though we may fail to see or realize or even admit it, we (yes, you and me) allow women continue to be looked down on. I hear the audible gasp but that’s how I see it. I agree that it may not seem as big of a deal as I am making it but I feel otherwise. In these small acts and sometimes unspoken words, we encourage our females to be weak. It’s glaring- from homes to schools and in the society generally. We tell girls to be weak (since that is what is expected of them) and to always expect things to be done for them. Its little wonder the idea that “boys are boss” is so ingrained in the mindset. I’m not by any means saying that we should pretend to be as physically strong as men but that we should teach children especially boys (yes, boys) from as young as possible realize that they shouldn’t feel the female is any less than they are. We must also encourage females (both young and old) to tap into their inner strength.

Now some people use Christianity as the basis upon which they tell you as a female to be submissive. Yes, the bible expects you to be submissive but only to your husband; not to every Okoro, Morufu, Awalu and Akpos that you come across. You may think I am going (or have gone) to the extreme in my analogy but these seemingly small deeds and occurrences matter. We see women who would do very well by themselves remain in abusive relationships. These big issues stem from small things like this. What if there was no man to speak for me? Let us ensure that we don’t, in satisfying someone else’s ego, demean ourselves or become less of ourselves.

I concede- maybe my car guy simply had a sound sleep and re-considered. Maybe I’m attributing too much where there is no issue. Maybe I simply shouldn’t have included ‘boat’ in my options. Whatever the case, a thorough search would reveal some truth in here somewhere, No?

Oh and by the way, me and the car guy? We don turn padi o! ;-)

GOAL!!!

A friend of mine told me once, “you are one of those girls WE girls love to hate”. Apart from being shocked to learn that day that I was not one of “THEM”- the girls, I also wondered why THEY hated me. And the answer? “Because you watch football”!

Now maybe it’s because I am an only girl (I have no female sibling) and I was almost always with my dad and brothers. I guess that somewhere between getting tired of bribing my brothers to play ten-ten (which they never played to the end!) and the ‘let-me-just-sit-and-watch-this-since-I-have-nothing-more-interesting-to-do’, I came to love the game. You may wonder why I chose not to spend those spare moments with my mother instead. Well, my mum was usually almost always (that’s a nice way of saying ALWAYS; I am just playing safe since I expect she would read this) doing “girly” stuff like checking or cleaning her jewelry, sorting something in the kitchen and whatever else I just wasn’t in the mood for.

Now, do not get me wrong or make the wrong assumption- I had my fair share of kitchen duty. In fact, we ALL did our share of kitchen runs because my parents made sure even my brothers cooked and cleaned (and still cook and clean) just as they ensured I also knew how to use the cork and change a flat tyre - although the latter is a feat I wouldn’t be embarking on anytime soon since I’m now more ‘in touch with my feminine side. Scratch that! We aren’t just in touch, we now share an apartment. So you see, we are all well rounded. However, being a girl to me didn’t mean I had to be in diva-mode ALL the time (though I admit I was in diva mode less than I should have) so I unwound with the guys.

Quite frankly though, it is the ease you find with boys/ men that I found appealing- I didn’t have to sit a certain way (I was in denims pretty much all of the time), not shout, or laugh a certain way. What I am however unsure of is whether I got more familiar with the boy in me because I was always with the boys or whether it was the fact that my masculine side and I were buddies that made me even more comfy with the boys. Whatever the case, I always found it easier. So when most guys I meet now find out I’m into football, it comes as a bit of a surprise (remember that my feminine side and I now live together). I’m not saying, implying or even pretending that I can reel out names of footballers though o! Just love the game!

Why have I gone through this family history? Because the premiership season is upon us. And it is again ‘that time of the year’ when women may (I say ‘may’ with hesitation) obtain the silver medal (football gets gold). Here’s an idea however- instead of getting all angry and upset or left out whenever the ‘man about the house’ disappears into THAT realm, why not travel into it with him?

I’m definitely not a relationship expert and my blog is not fashioned to mould relationships as such but here is the thing- it crossed my mind that a lot of women do not look forward to the premiership season (or football in general) and I thought instead of hating that feeling, why not try to enjoy the game? Just my opinion though.

And I must make it a note to emphasize here that this advice extends to any other hobbies your friend, boyfriend, partner, spouse (or whatever they call it these days) may have. It also extends to both parties. Get involved in their hobbies…I can guaranty you wouldn’t regret it! Well, unless its golf – in that case, God help you (hey, just my opinion!) Really, what’s to lose? You may just develop an interest in it too.

I must again re-state the fact that this is not (entirely…lol) an advice on relationships. Just another way helping females not tear their hair out at one of those annoying things. So for those times when you feel alone and want to hang out, get involved in doing something he is enjoying!

…that reminds me, for those who don’t like that I watch and love football? Did I also mention I like wrestling? LOL!

THE NAMING CEREMONY

Let me start by apologizing to anyone who was misled by the title of this piece. It is not about the culture or tradition of naming children in the various cultures of Nigeria but rather the seeming chaos caused by the re-naming of the University of Lagos.

I have never been to a music recording studio before and so I decided on May 29 to go with a friend whose friend was recording a song that day to see the workings of the studio and find out how they come about those nice pieces we so love to sway to. On the way to Isolo where the studio is situated, I checked my Blackberry (which I am so fond of) and there it was- GEJ had decided that University of Lagos would be renamed Moshood Abiola University.

A lot of people who do not see what the hue and cry is all about are of the (mis)conception that the argument is that we are saying GEJ lacks the power to change the name of the University. Far from it.

University of Lagos was established by an Act of Parliament in 1962 (the first University to be so established). Any change to its name would therefore have to also be by an Act of Parliament. In effect, there would therefore have to be an amendment of the University of Lagos Act.

In my view, GEJ has not acted ultra vires as all he has done is to notify Nigerians of the Federal Government’s intentions of re-naming the University after MKO Abiola. No proclamation that the school is now or should be referred to as Moshood Abiola University, as such has been made yet.

So I would advise that those saying GEJ has acted illegally should desist from doing so. The bulk of the arguments are sentimental and I daresay, with good reason.

That aside, I am of the view that MKO Abiola deserves way more than having an institution named after him.

I would also like to draw your attention to the fact that there already exists a Moshood Abiola Polytechnic- so why the duality? It seems to me to be a clear attempt by GEJ’s administration to score cheap points.

Also, a lot of people have been going on about the name change from University of Ife to Obafemi Awolowo University. Again, the fact is not that GEJ or the National Assembly lacks the power to change a Univerity’s name; it is however the fact that the timing is off and the procedure not too “tactful”.

In any event, it should be remembered that University of Ife was a regional University started by the late Obafemi Awolowo; it must also be remembererd that it was the military that effected the name change without any recourse to the law.

Unilag however is a creation of law and its name can only be changed through the law and not by presidential fiat.

Having said that, I do not believe that the protests embarked upon all over Lagos State by the students of the University would serve much purpose (because I even doubt that majority of them have any genuine basis upon which they are protesting the name change). Rather, what the students should be doing is meeting with their various representatives in the National Assembly and lobbying them against voting in favour of the Bill when it eventually gets to the House.

On a concluding note, I would like to state that I am a proud “Akokite” being an alumnus of University of Lagos and I am also proud to have the “University of Lagos” seal on my LL.B certificate…no offence or disrespect whatsoever to the great man, Moshood Kashimawo Olanbiwonnu Abiola, a man who lay down his life for Nigeria’s democracy…he deserved more. RIP sir.

MY LAGOS

I work and live in Lagos. To anyone who lives in or has ever been to Lagos (and by ever being I mean actually spent at least 2 weeks and traversed to some extent its length and breadth), that simple, straight forward statement connotes quite a lot.

It implies that I spring from sleep/bed every morning. It is almost somewhat an unwritten, unspoken, untaught taboo (that somehow finds its way into the subconscious of Lagosians) for one to take the time to get out of bed…it is a commandment - “woe betide ye in Lagos who gradually returneth from dreamland”; it also implies that I do pretty much everything hurriedly- at least above the pace at which any other average (and dare I say, normal) human would.

It also connotes the fact that I come across and experience new wonders everyday- and don’t even get me started on that one! Seven wonders of the world huh? Yeah right! You haven’t lived in Lagos!

The fact that I live in Lagos has made my ears rather immune to the noise emanating from loudspeakers somewhat strategically placed to deliberately force you to reckon with their sounds knowing that the entire body system of the Lagosian has been programmed to successfully block out its screams.

The men and women in the speakers spit various sounds and words covering pretty much every topic.

I hear various genres of music from musicians both ancient and modern (some to which, I must confess, I sway to in the privacy of my mind);

Then there are then the “messages” and “prophecies” of various men and women of God who never cease to remind me of the fact that givers never lack (citing their lives as the case in point), the fact that I should keep on hoping and believing everything will be okay (again citing their own lives as examples), that I should continue to have faith (and therefore not question anything thrown at me whether physical or spiritual), the reminder that heaven is available and is the ultimate reward of those who believe; and of course, the inescapable reminder of the wrath of hell fire which inadvertently practically chases all who hear to do the bidding of their “pastors”(after all, a word or in this case a thousand, is enough for the wise)!

Then of course there is the ever present bellow of the sweat-covered, tooth-missing, scar-faced, pants-sagging, pidgin-englished conductors (which makes me wonder what would become of us in the event that we didn’t have them to thank for the “organization” they bring to the Lagos traffic system) who scream the various destinations of their black-n-yellow “containers” for buses and who practically pull you into the “bus” going the route you probably have never had reason to contemplate or tread for any reason…yet (its Lagos- at some point we always have to get to “that other end”).

There is also no failing to come across the occasional “Do you know who I am?”, the “Do you know who you are talking to?” which usually goes with is twin brother, the “I will show you today” (which again makes me ponder- do these people walk around with an entourage of “fans” going by the rapid speed at which “spectators” and “supporters” gather upon catching the slightest sound of the opening statement- the “Why you match me like that? You no fit to say sorry”).

The fact that in the midst of all this, I woke, nay- sprang, from bed as early as 4.30am, to get to work on time, attend meetings or whatever else requires me to justify my pay at the end of the month, close not-too-late, (depends on what you consider ‘late’), sit in traffic, get home at about 9.30pm, find something to eat (my earlier resolution to “have dinner before 7pm tossed out the window since I am on the road at that time), get things organized and ready for work tomorrow and battle my way to sleep through the valley of the shadow of “night vigils” (which again makes me wonder -you must reckon by now that I wonder quite a lot- why I have to hold a vigil with a church via its loud speakers. If I wanted to be at the vigil I would BE there!) and then wake again before even the cock crows (imagine if I waited for the cock to crow like my ancestors did before rousing from sleep- I do not reckon I would be through answering all the punctuality queries by now)!

The crazy thing however is that in the midst of all this seeming lunacy, there are the intermittent flashes of sanity and the good times; the times of the laughter, fun and freedom Lagos offers; the times when we Lagosians when not hating one another are looking out for one another; and these sane, neighbourly moments make me see sense in the saying that “one must accept the rose along with its thorns”.

I have friends who have visited Lagos and have sworn never to return but the truth be told, this is the Lagos I was born in, that I grew up in and have fun childhood memories of.

It is the home that I know and that has given me all I have and know, both good and bad.

It is the Lagos that I love.

This is Lagos…MY Lagos.